Promises I Can Keep
by TrekkieL
Summary: Fallen!Gabriel. Falling and becoming human hadn't settled well for Gabriel. One day, Sam walks in on him with a blade to his arm and tries to understand so he can help his lover. Gabriel believes Sam will dump him for being weak, so Sam re-assures him. Mush and fluff. Established Sabriel. Rated T for self harm.


"We'll be back in about 4 hours. You sure you don't wanna come along?" Sam asked, kissing Gabriel's forehead. Gabriel nodded.

"I'll be fine on my own, Sasquatch. Just don't get hurt." Gabriel smiled.

"Of course." Sam smiled back. "See you later."

"Bye, Sammy." Gabriel waved as Sam walked out the motel door to where Dean and Cas were waiting in the impala.

Gabriel sighed, watching out the window. Sam, who was sat in the impala, saw Gabriel in the window and blew him a kiss. Gabriel caught it and blew one back, and Sam caught that. He watched until he saw the impala disappear.

Gabriel moved across the room to his and Sam's bed, opening his bedside drawer and pulling out his razor. He pulled the blade out, like he did most days, and sat down on the bed. He lifted the arm of his sleeve, revealing the ladder of scars from the past few weeks.

Falling from heaven and becoming human hadn't settled well for Gabriel. He found it hard to cope, having all that power for hundreds of years and then losing it. He knew why he fell. He fell because he loved Sam. Luckily, Sam loved him back.

Gabriel didn't like these human emotions. There were some he'd never experienced and there were others he'd felt and never wanted to feel again.

One of those was the feeling he wasn't good enough. During a demon hunt, A demon had cornered Dean in a corner and was about to strike him with a knife. Gabriel stabbed the demon with the demon knife from behind, killing the demon. Gabriel took the knife back and smiled at Dean, who had simply growled 'took you long enough.' If he wasn't good enough when it really mattered, how could he be good enough for Sam?

Another was the feeling of being useless and that no one wanted him. He'd tagged along with the Winchesters on a vampire hunt, only to get locked in a cupboard the whole time. When the Winchesters found him, finally, Sam hugged him close and Dean shouted about how Gabriel hadn't done anything to help out and they could have been home quicker if he hadn't been there and if they hadn't had to look for him for half an hour. Sam had tried to defend the ex-archangel, of course, but Gabriel hadn't realised how much words hurt.

Gabriel pressed down, the blade tearing through his skin. Gabriel winced, but watched as the red blood from the first cut flowed down his arm. He did it again. And again. And-

"Gabe?" Sam's voice called from outside the door. Gabriel hurriedly pulled his sleeve down and hid the blade under his pillow as Sam opened the door. Had Sam seen? "Sorry, Gabe. I forgot the salt pellets." Sam smiled, walking over to Dean's bedside table and picking up the box. "See you later, babe." Sam smiled.

"Bye, babe." Gabriel smiled back. When Sam had gone, Gabriel listened for the sound of the impala driving away before pulling the blade back out and rolling his sleeve up. He placed the blade to his arm again.

"Put it down." Sam's voice split the silence. Gabriel looked up in shock.

"Sam!" Gabriel stood abruptly, almost falling over the leg of the bed. "I thought you'd gone." Gabriel added.

"I told them to go without me." Sam leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms.

"Why?" Gabriel asked.

"Because I saw you hiding a blade under your pillow." Sam sighed. "You're not good at hiding things, Gabe." Sam muttered. Gabriel looked at the floor.

"So, what now? You gonna dump me?" Gabriel asked. Sam gasped in shock and walked over to Gabriel, pulling he ex-archangel into a hug.

"Do you really think I'm that heartless?" Sam asked, pressing his forehead to Gabriel's. "I will never dump you." Sam smiled.

"What are you gonna do then?" Gabriel asked. Sam pulled away.

"I'm going to help you. Whatever it is, we can get through it. Together." Sam smiled reassuringly, taking Gabriel's hand in his.

"You... You're not leaving me?" Gabriel stammered, wiping his eyes. Sam shook his head.

"Give me the blade." Sam whispered, holding out his hand. Gabriel whimpered, looked down at the bloodied blade in his hand. "Gabe... Please..." Sam caressed Gabriel's face gently, wiping away the tears that fell. Gabriel turned his head away, holding the blade out for Sam. Sam took the blade, kissing Gabriel's hand.

"Thank you." Sam whispered. "Stay here." Sam mumbled, taking Gabriel's uninjured arm and sitting the ex-archangel on his bed.

"Please don't leave me..." Gabriel suddenly cried, tears flowing down his face. He reached out and grabbed Sam's arm. "Don't leave me... Don't leave me... Please." Gabriel sobbed. Sam knelt down in front of Gabriel, taking both of Gabriel's hands in his.

"Hey, listen to me. I need to get this cleaned and bandaged. I'm not leaving you. I'm never leaving you." Sam caressed Gabriel's cheek. "I'll never leave you, I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, kiddo..." Gabriel sniffed. Sam kissed Gabriel's forehead.

"Then I'll make promises I can keep." Sam brushed a stray hair from Gabriel's face. Gabriel wiped his eyes again and Sam smiled before walking on the direction of the bathroom. He came back with a first aid kit.

"Give me your arm." Sam whispered. Gabriel did as Sam said. Sam gently wiped away the blood with a disinfectant wipe, which caused Gabriel to hiss. "Sorry, babe." Sam hushed, kissing the top of Gabriel's head. Unfortunately, wiping the blood away had revealed the past cuts. Gabriel swallowed.

Sam then began to wrap the bandage over Gabriel's arm, covering the wounds.

"How long?" Sam asked. Gabriel looked away. "Gabe..." Sam turned Gabriel's head to look at him. "How long?" Sam asked again.

"Six weeks..." Gabriel muttered. Sam's eyes welled with tears.

"Oh, Gabe..." Sam whispered as he secured the bandage and put everything back in the first aid kit. Gabriel whimpered.

"Please don't leave me..." Gabriel held his head in his hands. "I know I've messed up again and that I've never done anything to help, but I can prove that I can. Just don't leave me, please..." Gabriel broke down. Sam looked shocked.

"Again?" Sam wondered. "Gabe? Who said that you messed up? And who said you never did anything?" Sam asked. Gabriel wiped his eyes.

"I... I just thought..."

"Who made you think those things?" Sam asked. Gabriel thought back.

"Well... Dean sometimes... He sometimes acts like I haven't done anything. Castiel's tried to ignore me... Most of the time..." Gabriel admitted.

"What about me?" Sam muttered. "Have I done anything?"

"No. You haven't done anything, Sasquatch." Gabriel sniffed. "You've never done anything."

"You're not gonna do this again, are you?" Sam asked, running his fingers over the bandage.

"Nope." Gabriel smiled weakly. Sam smiled back. "I promise."

"Are you making promises you're going to keep?" Sam asked.

"I don't make promises I can't keep."


End file.
